Update: a few words

I’ve been really reluctant about making this update which covers why I have been MIA on all fronts. It’s pretty demoralizing to talk about and frankly I don’t want to do it, but given that I’ve more or less done a disappearing act I figure it’s a good idea to put it out there.

About 3 years ago I was getting ready to move house. I’ve been living in a multi-unit building and after a few years in a 2 bedroom I decided to downgrade to a 1 bedroom, so I packed up my stuff and moved into a vacant unit downstairs. What came next was a year of sleepless nights, as I had apparently moved from the family-friendly part of the building to the student ghetto. Loud parties, shrieking college girls, doors slamming at all hours. It drove me nuts and I was exhausted, but I ended up putting on earphones and channeling all that into a couple of projects – actually, that’s how Shadows May Fall (Wattpad) came to be, along with a side project which turned out to be a way to make some decent cash.

I had planned to move out of the apartment in the city and relocate to a small house about 30 mins away. The drive would have been annoying, especially in winter, but I figured it was a decent trade-off to get a less-expensive place where I could work in peace.

That didn’t happen. Long story short, I ended up moving in with my grandmother, and it was a terrible mistake.

She raised me (more on that later.) She’s in her mid 80s and has been on her own since my grandfather died in the 90s. She did pretty well once she was widowed – learned to drive at 60, for example – but the past few years there have been a few declines. Aside from going out less, which is to be expected, she’s been letting the house and herself fall apart. There are issues with food hoarding. She has trouble understanding letters sent to her, so she constantly needs someone to read them and explain. Dishes weren’t being washed but rinsed off, and so on with a multitude of other little things you’d probably see on some weird TLC show. The house I grew up in was slowly becoming a shithole and the woman who raised me turning into a shabby old woman content to let everything fall apart.

Coming with the bundle is my mother, who lives with my grandmother and has Munchausen Syndrome. I won’t get too much into what that is, but to quote Web MD:

dishonesty is common with this illness.

Luckily for me, the most of my raising had been done by my grandmother. I knew what I was getting myself into, but I had this ridiculous idea that I could help to make things better and put up with the stuff I couldn’t.

Needless to say, I did not.

Three years and nothing has been done. I now have a fat bank account and my grandmother has talked her way out of every single repair, and since it’s not my house and she’s still of sound-mind I can’t do anything about it. Small victories usually aren’t worth it – I wanted a dryer installed in a house that had never had one and it became a year-long battle of wills. I got the damn dryer, but it was exhausting.

The sensible adult in me says to use that money I saved to put a down-payment on a home of my own and leave it to my grandmother to come to the conclusion she should look at living somewhere that doesn’t require constant care, but I can’t. If I do, she would be left all alone and she wouldn’t come to that conclusion. She’d pride herself on being the spry old woman who still shovels her driveway until the last slip puts her in a wheelchair.

To make matters worse, my mother has decided pretending to be sick isn’t nearly as fun as it once was — rather than pull up her boots and helping out, she hooked up with an old boyfriend and just left. And by left I mean she’s letting him cook and clean for her at his place (or rather, his landlady’s place — he was kicked out of his trailer and would be homeless and is renting a single room in someone’s house – you can’t make this shit up) while she maintains her address at my grandmother’s, thus getting her out of having to pay any rent like an adult for a change.

I’m not sure why September was the catalyst, but something shifted during my last cottage vacation. Where I should have been on the beach enjoying the last few days of summer or rooting out spots that are hidden to most tourists, I sat in the cottage and watched TV and worried what I was coming home to or what was going to fall apart next. I haven’t written a single thing since. I had to confess to a very good friend I spoke to daily that I hadn’t been in touch in months because I simply had nothing good to say and I didn’t feel like unloading.

I’m stuck and I’m feeling stuck, and as a result I have little desire to do much of anything I love. For a while I was writing for the No Sleep Podcast, still writing lots of things, reading and baking, flirting and dating and all those things I used to enjoy. I even signed up for post-graduate studies. All those things are either on hold or an uphill battle. I tend to keep away from social media because, aside from the inundation of bad politics, I mostly follow writers and book folk and the last thing I want to do is read about other people living a life I once had. And, of course, work sucks. I always tolerated my day job because it was merely a source of income, but now that I’m not going home to get to doing what I love I’m far less tolerant

So here we are. Depression that had only poked me a little over the years has come back with a mighty vengeance. Now I’m not suicidal, so don’t worry about me on that end, but I do have less fight in me than I once had. I always had the mindset that better things were just around the bend and I was usually right, even if they didn’t turn out to be what I expected, but right now I’m just feeling like I’m never going to move anywhere. I used to joke to an ex-boyfriend that the house I grew up in and that I would go and visit was like Grey Gardens with less flamboyance. I guess now that makes me Little Edie, just waiting for something to change so I can get on with it already.

To the point: I won’t be writing for a while. I don’t really have anywhere I can do it and feel focused, and it frustrates me to think about it. I still have ideas and I will still jot down the occasional flash of inspiration, but I’m nowhere near ready to go back to the old routine. As it is I need to put focus on at least surviving the first leg of my post-grad work and actually getting an appetite so I don’t make myself sick.

I won’t name names, but I do want to give thanks to those who have reached out to me via email or tweet (or a hilariously-timed video dropped into my DMs – you know exactly who you are.) I promise I’ll get back to my old self one day, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be soon.

“Half Moon Island” – S.G.O. Files

It took me a week but I’ve finally taken a half an hour to listen to this hilarious but unsettling take on my story, Half Moon Island, by Digital and Dice.

If you liked this, make sure you leave a like and subscribe for more, and maybe drop a comment to let them know what you thought of this.

Here’s the original story, along with a link to the No Sleep Podcast episode where it was originally featured. 

Not Exactly a Spring Fling

I don’t usually have moments when I feel like I’ve gotten anything done. I’m constantly running a to-do list and whenever I tick one thing off I usually end up adding three more. I used to think this was how I got things done, but I’ve since realized it drives me absolutely around the bend. I mentioned in my winter post that I’ve taken up video games to get myself out of that, but the compulsion still comes in spurts and so I have to sit myself down every so often and acknowledge what I’ve actually gotten done.

First, the big news – I’m going back to school. Eep. I graduated from university in 2004 and at the time I toyed with the idea of doing some graduate work, but all of the programs I was interested in were in other provinces and I wasn’t prepared to move. After a lengthy bout of pulling my hair out at my office job I decided to have a look around and see if any of the programs I wanted were now available as a distance program- and one was! So I did the applications and was accepted. Hurrah! Starting in July after I get back from a vacation. It’s going to be tough, but if I can write as many books as I did between 2012-2016 I can handle going back to research. The 400 hour practicum is going to be the one that kills me.

outoftheblueThe first part of my project to get my A.M. Hartnett books in print and ebook is done. The rights to The Company of Fools and Out Of The Blue have reverted back to me and both have been re-released with new covers. I also put together a print anthology of my short stories, Dirty Words, in print-only (the stories are free to read on Tablo for readers 18+.) BIG BIG THANKS to Scarlett Parrish for helping me with this and offering her feedback. You can find links to all of them at www.amhartnett.com.

And since I was at it, I put together a print version of my New Adult novella, All To Myself. I wrote this over about a week ages ago and it really was a prototype of Shadows May Fall, only written with 18+ readers in mind – the poor girl/rich boy characters are basically modern-day versions of Dorothy and Robbie.

pretty_boySpeaking of which, I wrapped up How Dark The World, the story of what happened to Robbie after the explosion, and started posting the sequel, Pretty Boy. Unlike Shadows May Fall, Pretty Boy will be posted as it’s written – partly to game myself into writing regularly since I’ll have people poking me for the next bit. There may be some minor delays as I jump ahead to write a scene I can’t get out of my head, but my plan is to do a chapter every week or two until it’s done. I do plan on writing a couple more sequels after this, but I’ve had another couple of books on the back-burner I’d like to spend a little time on. All of these are available to read on Wattpad.

I’ve had another story featured on No Sleep called We Forgot About Muriel. Kyle Akers narrates (he also narrated Half-Moon Island) and he did a fantastic job, as did everyone else, especially David Cummings — when I noted in the script to lose it, he lost it. You can read We Forgot About Muriel here and follow the link to where you can listen on the podcast.

img_2358.jpgOh, and I turned 40 this month. I bought myself a book-nerdy birthday gift I can’t fulfill until June, at which point I will be exploding all over social media. I’m living the dream, fellow dorks – I’m spending a relaxing evening at Ingleside, aka The Senator’s House, aka where Anne and Gilbert Blythe raised their family and where Anne of Ingleside, Rainbow Valley, and Rilla of Ingleside was set, and I’m staying in the room the author used to stay in when she visited her grandfather (the senator.)

2016 Reading Roundup

This is the first year in a while I was able to sit back and do some reading. Previously I had been so busy writing and making deadlines, not to mention living in an apartment where peace and quiet simply was not possible, but this year I actually managed to get 15 books read. Well, 14 so far. I’m on number 15 right now.

That’s not really a big number when you consider in past years I read through about a hundred a year, but it’s a huge start, and I think some of these books deserve a good shout-out.

The Little Beach Street Bakery by Jenny Colgan – I actually enjoyed the sequel much more (and am eagerly awaiting the Christmas book), but this is the book that kicked off my return to reading back in February. City girl’s relationship and business tanks, and she heads off to Cornwall to get her bearings together. She doesn’t plan on staying, but after her hobby of baking bread turns into a career she decides to put down roots. There’s a a hunky fisherman, a hunky bee-keeper, a curmudgeonly bakery owner, and a baby puffin in this one. A BABY PUFFIN.

The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion – This one has been out for a while but I’d been avoiding it, and it was on my Kindle longer than it should have. It’s about a scientist with Asperger’s syndrome looking for a wife in a very scientific way. You’d think he was being thrown into a cutesy scenario where Rosie is the wild, unpredictable love interest that brings him out of his comfort zone, but Rosie is pretty average as love interests go. Definitely one of my favourites, and I’m keen to get started on the sequel.

Mattie’s Story by Margaret A. Westlie – Another one that sat on my TBR for too long. This authors is local to me, from Prince Edward Island, and her book was right up my alley. At fifteen, Mattie’s father dies and she’s married off by her mother to a schoolteacher, David. It’s a coming of age story set in the 1800s and you follow Mattie from her tomboyish adolescence into marriage and then motherhood.

Hyde by Daniel Levine – Finally a Jekyll and Hyde adaptation that didn’t make me want to rip my hair out while reading. Told entirely from the perspective of Edward Hyde, we learn that he’s not the villain that the original book made him out to be, and we learn why he exists to begin with. There’s a twist, and even if you see it coming you’ll still be on the edge of your seat by the end.

The Secret Path by Jeff Lemire – This graphic novel is heartbreaking and based on a true story. A part of The Secret Path project that includes an album from Gord Downie, a concert series, and a television special, The Secret Path gives a name to the sixties scoop in which native children in Canada were placed in residential schools to assimilate them into white Canadian culture.

My TBR for 2017 has over 75 books on it (!!!) – the accumulation of about 2 years worth of book buying, so my goal is to read every single one of them at 2 a week, and with one exception I’m pretty much cut off from buying any more books until I get every single one of them read.


It’s such a me thing to do to whip up a new website, open a blog, link the website to the blog, and then have zero content on said blog. What can I say? It’s been a crazy fall so far? No, this is just what I do.

I do plan on blogging at some point. Right now I’m using my free time to get Shadows May Fall to print and that pretty much has shoved everything else out of my brain, so otherwise my free time is spent watching hours of Let’s Play videos on YouTube.

In the meantime, head to http://www.shadowsmayfall.com and read the book for free, check out the links and all that stuff. If you’ve already done that, and that’s why you’re here … er, I got nothing. Maybe spend some time reading Dog Rates?